23rd March, 2009, Monday
Chaitra Krishna Dvaadashi, Vikram Samvat 2065, Somvar
Question: What is the root cause of quarrels, fights, lack of peace and lack of harmony in the family?
Swamiji: Every human being wishes that things happen according to his wishes. Each one is seeking favorable circumstances for himself. Each one wants to fulfill his own desires. He wants to lead a relaxing, comfortable and luxurious life. And he longs for his own glory. All in all, he is seeking his own self interest and selfishness. Such individuals due to their selfishness, are the cause of most quarrels, fights, disquietude in the family. Even dogs play well together, until the time food is served, at which time they begin to fight for food. The cause of these fights in not the food, but the selfish nature.
In a household, those who only desire their own happiness and comfort are not true family members, rather they are self-centered individuals. A member of a family is he who wishes and works towards the welfare of all the members, young, old, and all. Those who desire peace in the family and do not wish any quarrels, they must see towards performing their alloted duties, and at the same time protecting the rights of others. They must do his assigned duties in life and engage in welfare of others. They must honor and respect all members and provide happiness and comfort to them all.
Questions: How to maintain love, happiness and peace in the family?
Swamiji: When a man forgets his main purpose and aim in life, then all obstacles and calamities take place in the family. If his goal is firm and alive that under all conditions he will be elevated spiritually and otherwise. Then he does not concern himself with happiness or adversity. Also he finds no difficulty in renouncing his selfishness and pride. When one renounces selfishness and pride, then there is no obstacles or disharmony in the relationship. The main impediments in any relationship is when a person wants things to happen his way. He wants his words to hold weight, his desires to be fulfilled or all are for his own self interest.
On the other hand, when one thinks about how to do good for other members, how to lead them to benediction, how to honor and provide comfort for them, and he lives by imbibing these thoughts, then all members of the family become happy. Even if sometimes a member becomes displeased, his displeasure will not persist, becauses after giving some thought he will realize that whatever has been done is only for their own welfare. As a boy having an inclination to sports and games dislikes studies, but overall understands that studying will do him good, similarly even if the person may not initially understand, but he will certainly
understand this in due course. Even if later he does not understand, there is an inner satisfaction that the intention and conduct was good and that he thought of his welfare. Moreover we will have an inner strength that the point we expressed is true and solid.
If members live lovingly with one another, the atmosphere will be full of peace and happiness and love manifests and evolves automatically by renunciation of selfishness and pride.
From “How to lead a Householder Life” in English by Swami Ramsukhdasji
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